February 2012
1 post
i can't do sex, i can't do love, and i can't do...
what can i do?
my motives, my fervencies, my euphorics are all solemnly deflated.
i don’t want to think about last night or my exam this morning..
August 2011
2 posts
March 2011
1 post
um hi your tongue was in my mouth two hours ago
my name is really awkward.
February 2011
1 post
i must
put this into words before i forget how to speak them.
i am so sorry. i don’t know whats wrong with me, i can’t stand myself right now and i know that no one else who knows me can stand me either.
i feel exhausted, guilty, confused and broken. i know you don’t care to know this and i was so angry at myself and i kept telling you i hated you when i hate myself so loudly.
...
August 2010
3 posts
she's all i want
the last thing
this is the last second i will waste writing about this
mara, you resent me? maybe i’m interpreting your tumblr wrong but if i’m not this is what i have to say. i don’t know why you don’t like me. i gave you all of me, i would have given you anything, i would have endured to keep us together, i would have dropped everything in an instant for you. you loved me so much in...
July 2010
21 posts
opposite day
i’m exhausted and desperately want to go to sleep but it’ll still be 20 minutes until you get here.
zzzzzzzzzzz.
the sun is out
and you just left,
i’m like a cousin to you aren’t i?
hahahahhahaha, i know you so well already.
how did this happen?
i feel well rested from just listening to you talk - i can’t explain it.
i’m so happy.
she's so easy to talk to
it’s crazy.
so two weeks ago i told her the ways in which i adore her and the confident woman turned into a scared little girl. i know she just wants to be friends and that’s fine.
we spend every single night together. it’s wonderful. it scares me too. but when we stay up until four in the morning and see each other at work after waking up next to one another at 9:30am an...
nope
here she comes!
to talk and talk and talk.
what happens when i know everything?
need to stop
staying up with natalie until 4 o’clock in the morning.
she can REALLY talk. which is great most of the time when she puts two nails on her temple, one above her lip and one curled under her chin because she’s looking around my living room but she’s not looking around my living room she’s moving her eyes around wherever she was in the story she’s telling me to...
never realized how much i hate waiting
mara
i wanna tell you that at orientation that they had a skit that the OAs did. it was about a highschool firend colleen who went visit her friend hilary. hilary started drinking excessively with these boys and when colleen visited her she didn’t realize the kind of person hilary had become. this story seems like it has a deeper meaning but it doesn’t. the reason why i wanted to tell you...
i am thinking
about kissing you
and how if i tried to do what callie did when she kissed erica
you would turn your head - you wouldn’t cup my face and kiss back
but i want to kiss you and it’s awful.
so i will ignore you?
is that immature, wrong, cruel, self-serving or smart - because you want to be friends?
but - shouldn’t it be about me?
when should it be about her and when should it...
i'm such an idiot
NO i’m not okay.
i hate to sound so typical but no i’m not no
I DID NOT just do my makeup for no reason
I DID NOT stress about my outfit for no reason
I DID NOT think it would turn out to be the grand finale of humiliation after an embarressing weekend of making an ass of myself at orientation
I DID have high hopes
I DID look forward to this
I WAS passive aggressive and lied...
i feel wonderful
it wasn’t bad working at red rooster but it was nice coming to pepi’s after just to see the people i love.
i miss natalie though, but i think i miss her sense of humor the most. i grin just thinking about it. i know she doesn’t like me the same way i like her. but i’m not serious about her - i just adore many things about her and i miss them.
i don’t want to love...
i got called in to work at the red rooster
i really really don’t want to go.
what am i doing right now?
nothing.
it’s my only day off this week and i am doing
nothing.
i had such an amazing night - i felt invincible.
now it’s the next morning and i just feel deflated.
truly, i’m disappointed i have my summer seminar tomorrow and the next day at Albany when i have been excited about it for awhile because i know my thoughts will be clouded with her when i should be confident the...
can't stop
thinking about her.
so glad this is my last day of work until saturday.
oh god
i miss that stupid laugh and the reluctant snarky ass smirk.
she misses me, right?
so just grab me and kiss me already
swimming in
almost almost should’ve been kisses
could’ve said this but didn’t - shit.
oh how wonderful
rejection is the most fantastically exhilarating feeling i’ve had in a very long time.
how lovely and awful.
i never thought i could love anyone so much
since i met you i’ve loved you with my whole heart.
i want to make you smile, laugh, breathe easy and hold you until the sun comes up.
i’ve had all of this even though we haven’t been officially together but i’m walking away because i need to figure out if i’m hindering myself.
i’m a little drunk - i drank with michelle and told her how i felt. she...
i can't stop crying
it’s not fair.
i wanted to spend my only day off with you.
is this best?
i just wanted you to grab me and tell me i’m worth it the way you’re worth it to me.
mush
you want to be with me but i’m not worth the stress of a relationship, it throws you off, you can’t do it.
i feel like something to distract you over the summer - but if i try to talk about it you shut down because you’re not ready. you’re letting me fall in love with you again when you can’t promise not to hurt me - you’re selfish.
you had sex with me without...
May 2010
1 post
kissing
April 2010
6 posts
i'm not an idiot
Do not fuck with me.
No one walks on me or takes advantage of me anymore.
who cares?
how do you fix unhappiness suspended in emotional purgatory?
how do you change the temporal illusion of self worth,
and how do you remove pins from a oscillating muscle?
why?
i want to fly away
March 2010
2 posts
