you want to be with me but i’m not worth the stress of a relationship, it throws you off, you can’t do it.

i feel like something to distract you over the summer - but if i try to talk about it you shut down because you’re not ready. you’re letting me fall in love with you again when you can’t promise not to hurt me - you’re selfish.

you had sex with me without being tested, you then treated me like a stranger in the waiting room, could barely speak to me or comfort me. you talked to me with irritability when i spoke to you, you didn’t apologize or hold my hand. you just sat there, wallowing in your own self absorbed feelings - you’re still the same person. you said to me you wouldn’t have to be there if it wasn’t for me, you said it like you didn’t want to say it - but you did. you blamed me as if you had a right to be angry, when the only thing you should’ve been was sorry. i didn’t want you in that waiting room with me.

after this you said you wanted to talk to me about it but you weren’t ready. i apologized for ever making you feel like less than a wonderful woman because your opposite values that aren’t necessarily wrong allows you to have unsafe sex with three people within two months after a two year break up.

the truth is i am sorry if i made you feel unclean or ashamed. i’m sorry because it’s not my place. but you’ve let a month go by without clearing the air with me, you’ve let a month go by without having our “honest conversation”, you’ve let all this time go by without grabbing me and telling me you want to grow old with me, you want to marry me, you want to be my girlfriend again. you let time pass because you can’t deal with it, you don’t just procrastinate school, you procrastinate me like i’m not a person, i’m just a thing you put off.

what about you makes it worth it?

i’m not worth it to you and i don’t want you to be worth it to me anymore.

you’re self-serving to a point that no one else exists, especially not me.

i love you so much, unconditionally and fully.

i wish you could let go and be with me the way you used to.

i am in so much pain.